I Would Have...

In the 1960s and 1970s, our daily newspaper ran Ann Landers’ advice column and Erma Bombeck’s humorous takes on everyday life columns regularly and for whatever reason, Mom was fixated on these women and their ‘words of wisdom.’ She clipped hundreds of the columns and pasted them into scrapbooks for future reference. Mom loved receiving Bombeck’s paperback books as gifts over the years and I recently came across "The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank," which had me in stitches. Landers and Bombeck possessed a no-nonsense, down-to-earth approach to life. For 2024, I am sharing one of my favorite Bombeck pieces with you. Some of it is a bit dated, but you’ll get the gist overall. The piece is titled, " I Would Have."

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the “GOOD” living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment realizing that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more “I’m sorry’s” but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute…look at it and really see it…live it…and never give it back.

What could you add to this list?

Best wishes for a happy and healthy 2024! May you seize every minute of every day!

Cheers!

Judy

Bone for the Holidays

Seasons Greetings Friends, As a child, I never had a dog. My parents insisted animals belonged someplace other than the inside of a house. Most of the people in my Calico Lane neighborhood didn't have pets either. In the late 1970s, my first dog was Jodi, a short-haired St. Bernard. During those four years, I didn't learn much about dogs other than big dogs have big poops and St. Bernards drool a lot. However, when I was in a dark mood, Jodi would sit next to me on the back porch steps and I'd tell her all about my sorrows. Back then, she was my best friend and I didn't know it. When Eileen was a teenager, her family had a mixed breed named Snoopy. Much later, Eileen was gifted a Bichon puppy that she named Rocky. When I met Eileen, Rocky was already quite old, but he accepted me. He would sneak up behind me and let out a sharp, loud WOOF that would send me to the ceiling. He was a great camper and loved snuggling in my sleeping bag. Rocky moved with us to Colorado in 2000 and lived another two years. His sixteen years were filled with fun outdoor activities and good health. He's buried under the Aspen tree in our yard in Poncha Springs with the backdrop of Mt. Shavano. It wasn't long before Eileen and I rescued a 3-year-old Australian Shepherd (who we named Jake). Jake was a working dog who had most likely fallen from the back of a rancher's truck and eventually found his way to Salida's no-kill shelter. There was something about the way Jake looked at us, as if pleading "help me." He was timid and shell-shocked and spent the first few months hiding in the corner of our den. Eventually though, with patience and training, his 'old soul' self became a wonderful addition to our household. Jake loved car rides and mountain hikes and was gentle with children and the elderly, as if he could sense their vulnerability. His younger days as a ranch dog shone through at night when he preferred to stay out late and keep an eye on the livestock in the pasture behind our house. Dogs 'pick their person,' and Jake became Eileen's dog most of the time. He tolerated me in the loving way dogs do with other humans in the home. A couple of years later, at a property Eileen was appraising, a young Border Collie with the same pleading eyes followed her around the house. Eileen said to the owner, "If you ever want to rehome that dog, call me." A few years later when the Border Collie, named Arrow, was about seven, Eileen got the call: "Do you still want my dog?" We decided we were a one-dog family. But before summer's end, Arrow's owner called again, begging that we take her. Arrow came for a playdate with Jake and once she accepted Jake as Alpha, she fell into place and we became a four-pack household -- with eight times the work! Arrow was a fence jumper, a squirrel and deer chaser, and she didn't get along with children. She was aggressive around other dogs and some people. It took a year of constant training and working with her, and although she remained an unpredictable bitch (and we kept vigilant) she made us laugh and protected us. She attached to me and tolerated Eileen. Jake and Arrow were buddies and crossed the rainbow bridge in 2015. Arrow first, in January, and then Jake -- who we believe died of a broken heart -- six months later. Both were about fifteen years old. We never stopped loving and missing them. Their ashes are in matching tins and will be combined with our ashes and tossed to the winds when that time comes. It's been a long eight years without a dog in our house. Although we talked about 'another dog,' the reality is we are in our 70s and lack the energy (and possibly the years) to tackle a puppy-to-adulthood commitment. An older dog -- at least one who is housebroken -- would be best. Most older dogs, at least those locally who need rescuing, are large breeds. After dealing with the St. Bernard and 70-pound Jake and 50-pound Arrow, we decided to keep our eyes open for an older and smaller dog.

A month ago we visited the Olympia Animal Shelter on Marvin Way and met Seuss (name given by the shelter), a twenty-pound mixed breed. No one knows her history or from where she came. She has the same pleading eyes as Jake and Arrow. We re-named her Suzy. She's food-motivated, and so answers to that name as long as there's a treat involved. Suzy looks to be a small mixed breed with a Doberman bark. Best guess is that she's roughly 9 years old, showing some grey and missing some teeth. Her front right paw is a bit wonky, but it doesn't slow her down on her daily zooms around the backyard and she walks at our pace on the leather leash that once belonged to Jake. She's adorable, especially when she puts herself to bed at night atop Arrow's Spiderman comforter. She loves belly rubs and car rides and seems to have some of the quirks and traits our other dogs had, plus a great deal of her own! As we step over chew toys and around dog beds, we remind ourselves not to fall! For however long we have Suzy, she'll be loved and cared for. And, yes, Suzy will probably receive a gift-wrapped bone for the holidays! Wishing you and yours a peaceful winter season!

Cheers, Judy

Rate THIS

Okay, I admit sometimes I do tire of product rating requests…

The days following vacations are hectic. The luggage needs to be unpacked and laundry sorted, the grocery list needs attention, the pile of mail will require some time, and a few dozen of the hundreds of digital photos need to be printed. Nevertheless, within 24 hours of returning from my getaway, the requests for product reviews began rolling into my INBOX.

The VRBO or hotel is usually the first to request a review, sometimes as early as check out: “Was the space well-appointed?” Duh, yeah, the shower was in the bathroom and the stove was in the kitchen. We are given rating options for bedding, linens, cleanliness, views, and parking. Negative reviews such as “pool was closed for maintenance” during the warm weather may deter other travelers who count on such amenities. When we traveled to Amsterdam, we rated our VRBO as excellent regarding ‘location’ and top-notch for our hosts, both statements were true, but we didn’t mention the leak in the ceiling on a rainy day because we told our host about it in person.

If your hotel boasts of a continental breakfast amenity included, it wouldn't be fair to complain about the store-wrapped muffin and hardboiled egg. I'll pocket a yogurt and banana and since I prefer poached eggs with rye toast for breakfast, my comment would be "great location in close proximity to shops and eateries."

Eateries love postings on their website! Photos of the veal marsala with a star rating and comments are appreciated. Restaurants love reading “Staff was courteous and professional” and “Best Reuben ever.” A response from the owner is likely if your comment is: "Tables were set too close together and there was no privacy to conduct a conversation.” or “Cucumbers were soggy.” You may receive a comment that the matter was addressed.

I’ve found that airlines rarely ask for reviews but rental car businesses love ‘em. The Uber driver or airport transport service will happily take a star rating -- the more stars the higher the rating. Tips are, of course, expected and comments are optional. Truthfully, have you ever wanted to write, “Driver would not shut up,” during the 2 a.m. hour-long drive from the airport?

Name-brand retailers like REI ask for product reviews. If you give a lot of reviews, on Travelocity, for example, a “badge” will be assigned for your FB site. A bragging right, of sorts, I suppose.

More often I've been receiving surveys after a visit to my doctor or Urgent Care facility. Those I ignore.

Typical rating systems are 1 - 5 or 1 - 10. Some folk get confused with low versus high numbers. Shouldn’t 1 be considered top because it’s first? Or is it the other way around? I’m also seeing questions like, “How would you rate your experience with our product?” followed with multiple choice options: Very Satisfied, Satisfied, Neither agree or disagree, Dissatisfied, and Very Dissatisfied. The middle choice leaves me quite confused. One of these days I think I’ll select that answer just for the fun of it.

This talk of reviews brings me to Amazon book reviews. Yes, some of you saw this coming. Did you know that every time you post a review of a book, you become the little voice in the author’s ear that whispers “Don’t you quit.”

The best tip for receiving reviews? Make it easy to leave a review.

So, Here’s How to Post a Review of Calico Lane on Amazon

1) Sign into your Amazon account (Amazon requires that you have purchased at least $50 worth of products within the past year before you are able to leave a customer review.)

2) In the Search Amazon field at the top of the page, type “Calico Lane by Judy Kiehart”

3) Click on the image of the book’s cover

4) Scroll down past Editorial Reviews and Product Details to Customer Reviews

5) See “Review this product”

6) Click on “Write a customer review.

7) Select overall star rating (1 is lowest, 5 is highest)

8) Type a headline

9) Add a written review (tell what you liked or didn’t like about the book)

10) Press SUBMIT

Ta Da!

Please help me reach 100 Amazon reviews for Calico Lane before the two-year launch anniversary.

Cheers!

Judy